The Pros and Cons of Being Best Friends with Your Mom
Closeness, support, and where the friendship gets tricky
Being best friends with your mom can bring comfort, support, and a kind of understanding that is hard to get anywhere else. Like any close relationship, it has its downsides too.
Below are some of the main advantages and drawbacks, and how this closeness can affect both your life and hers.
Pros
Most of the upsides come from closeness and from what she has learned over the years.
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Unconditional love and support
When your mom is also your best friend, her love and support tend to be steady. She is usually there no matter what happens, ready to listen, to say something comforting, and to give you a shoulder to lean on when things get hard.
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Shared values and traditions
People who are best friends with their mom often share her values and traditions. That creates a strong sense of connection and belonging, since you both understand and appreciate the same things, whether it's a family tradition or a set of moral values.
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Lifetime companion and confidante
She can stay your companion and confidante for your whole life. From childhood into adulthood, you can turn to her for wisdom, advice, and company, which makes her presence in your life hard to replace.
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Mutual respect and trust
A friendship like this tends to build respect and trust on both sides. On that footing it becomes easier to talk openly, keep healthy boundaries, and feel secure in the relationship.
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Mentorship and advice
Then there is mentorship. As both a friend and a parent, she is in a good position to share the insights and wisdom she has gained from her own life experience.
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Deep understanding and empathy
She probably knows you better than anyone else does. A close bond with her can bring a level of understanding and empathy that is hard to find in other relationships, and the emotional support that grows out of it can feel unmatched.
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Cons
The same closeness that makes the friendship rewarding can also cause problems.
Generational differences
You and your mom come from different generations. Differences in upbringing, values, and outlook on life can cause friction now and then, and they sometimes turn into misunderstandings or real disagreements.
Lack of objectivity
Closeness can cloud your judgment. In some situations it may be hard for either of you to step back and see things from another perspective, especially when emotions are running high.
Expectations and pressure
Expectations can grow as well. Both of you may feel a greater responsibility to meet each other's needs all the time, and at times that pressure can become overwhelming.
Conflict affects the family
When you and your mom fall out, the trouble often doesn't stay between the two of you. A conflict can affect the friendship and the wider family dynamic, and the tension may ripple out to other family members too.
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Boundary issues
Keeping healthy boundaries is one of the harder parts of this kind of friendship. You have to find a balance between being friends and the usual parent-child roles, because once those lines blur, conflicts and misunderstandings tend to follow.
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Codependency tendencies
Leaning on your mom too heavily for emotional support and validation can slide into codependency. It helps to work on your own independence and self-reliance while still holding on to the close bond you have with her.
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Conclusion
Whether it works for you probably depends on how well the two of you keep the parent role and the friend role apart. When boundaries hold and you both have support outside the relationship, the closeness usually pays off. When one of you relies on the other for nearly everything, the cons tend to weigh heavier.
What do you think?
Do you think the pros outweigh the cons?
